Archive | advice RSS feed for this section

Her Friends: The Hater

7 Oct

Most women have women friends that fall into certain…categories, if you will.  There’s the Best-Friend-Like-a-Sister, the Life-long Friend, the Therapist, the Acquaintance, and of course, the Hater.

Any category of friend of the woman you are dating poses a potential threat to your happiness because women listen to each other- even when they shouldn’t.

But no one poses a threat (and a headache) like the Hater.

Haters are typically unhappy, unfullfilled people.  Even if they walk around with a smile all the time, mucho dough in the bank and a (in this case) a man, there is something going on inside the Hater that works like a compulsive disorder; they want to create a bit of mess wherever they go- particularly in relationships.

The Hater may target you or your relationship for a few reasons; she doesn’t like you (justified), she doesn’t like you (unjustified), the authentic happiness in your relationship makes her uncomfortable (jealous) and finally, the topper- she wants you for herself.

The Hater’s tactics for trying to screw up your happiness are never ending.

A Hater friend will stay in your girl’s ear about you- whenever she has the opportunity to down your good name- she’s on it.

She may claim to your girl that she saw you at some random club/bar/restaurant with another woman and then feign mistaken identity when you’re put in the clear.

A mild threat, but a threat nevertheless.

On the other end of the extreme, she may try and corner you somewhere and seduce you- preferably somewhere where ya’ll can get caught.  She will then blame you and accuse you of advancing on her, when all you were trying to do was grab a beer from the fridge.

Some Haters are diabolical.  One example that comes to mind was a Hater who purchased a pre-paid cell phone for the expressed purpose of calling her friend’s man’s cell late at night- when she knew he was likely laying in bed next to his woman.  She also sent sexually explicit text and picture mail at night, and then encouraged her friend to hack her man’s cell during the day; “you never can be too careful girl, you should check his phone”.  True nonsense.

How you deal with the Hater depends on a few critical ingredients; how serious the hatin’ is, how serious your relationship is, how serious you love your woman (and she loves you), and finally, what kind of woman you have.

A real woman is only going to stand for so much mess in her life, and if you’re a good man, and ya’ll are in love, expect your girl to quickly distance herself from the Hater she once called a friend.  All that “men come and go but sisters are forever”- please- a woman will (rightfully) choose a man over her friend any day- especially if the friend is a hater.  Once your woman puts space between ya’ll and the Hater, they are mortal enemies, probably for life.  Know that.

But if your woman hasn’t taken the initiative to set things right and clear, she may need to hear from you about the impact the Hater is having on you and your relationship.  If she’s a good woman, she’ll validate you (whether she agrees or not) and hopefully an honest talk between the two of you can lead to putting the Hater in her place- which is ova der —–> far from ya’ll.

In some cases though, it’s just not that easy.  Women are emotional creatures, so, there is likely an emotional connect between your girl and the Hater in her life, and it may be more complex than you’d like.  After all, the Hater can be anybody; a lifelong friend who survived some sort of trauma, a sister, a co-worker, an Auntie or my favorite, a mother. That’s right.  Moms.  And not just hers…could be yours too.

Breathe, breathe.  Okay, good.  Ya’i’ght?

Sometimes you have to give your woman an ultimatum- you, or the Hater.  You only want to pull this card if major damage/drama/stress is being caused.  If the Hater is nothing more than a mild irritation, simply ignore.  Always.  It’s not worth it.

But if her interference is more- handle that.