When Does e-Flirting Become Cheating?

23 Jun

Flirting is a natural part of life, and many people in committed relationships do it all the time.  I said “many” instead of “all” because I know some of ya’ll will insist to the grave that you have never and would never do such a thing and while I know yous a no good dirty liar I’m not going to accuse you of lying- that just wouldn’t be fair, now would it?

Many people will argue that what happens on the internet “isn’t real”.  That’s juvenile, yet people still use the internet as if it’s a Holodeck on Star Trek, wanting whatever happens online to stay separate from what happens in day to day life.  The two, however, have grown to become forever linked; recently a woman tweeted a miscarriage, sparking strong reactions across the country. Women have broken up with their men because of 1 particular facebook friend he had that she didn’t like.  There have been murders and suicides online.  Countless have lost their jobs because of online content.  Babies born, and deaths of elders.

It hasn’t all been bad though.  People have met, fallen in love and married.  Lives have been saved because of information sharing.  Causes have been aken up.  The ability to create positive change has been impacted… in a good way.

Authentic connections can be made online; anyone who spends time online knows this.  You’ve got people who you enjoy, people that irritate the hell out of you, and people that just fill the void.  Humor, personality, common interests are all things that draw people to each other and create relationships- even if “just” online relationships, they are still relationships.

In a nutshell, our e-lives are much to intricate and complicated to not be real.

The internet can provide a space for complete anonymity.  People can lie about any and all aspects of their lives and who they are.  Men can pose as women and vice versa.  Adults can pose as children.  Married people can pose as single; it never ends.

Where relationships and the question of cheating are concerned, let’s look at a few scenarios:

You’re a guy with a long term girlfriend, and you just met shorty from New York on facebook and you’re diggin’ her vibe.  She’s smart, witty, and you’ve combed through all her photo albums and dang, she kinda cute!

It starts off innocent enough.  You comment on a few things she posts to the newsfeed, she responds a couple of time a week to your brilliant status updates.  Then you send her a note to her inbox about something forgettable profound, and now you’re sending notes back and forth via the inbox- a private communication no one else can see.

Flirting ensues.  You’re not worried, after all, you live in California, you love your woman and don’t plan on letting her go.  Obviously you don’t tell your girl about shortyNY; that’s for you to know and for her to hack your account and find out never find out.

You think about shortyNY enough to send her at least 1 message every day.  The conversations get longer, and the flirting is pretty strong between the two of you.

The question is, does this scenario equate to cheating?  Why or why not?  The man in question has no desire to take a weekend trip East, he’s not telling shortyNY that he loves her, but he is talking to heron a regular, the flirting is often of a sexual nature, and he makes it a point to hit her inbox every day.  Cheating?

Or this:

Same scenario, only this time you’re not just hinting at sexual stuff, you’re openly talking about it with each other.  You’ve graduated from the inbox to either gmail or some other IM.  Yeah, you talk about the weather and stuff, but you also tell shortyNY what you’d be doing to her if you were there right now and she’s doing the same. Meanwhile, your girl is in the kitchen making dinner.


Or this:

You and shortyNY have exchanged numbers.  You text and you talk.  Most conversations are laced with flirty-sex-talk, and you’ve gotten a hard on a few times talking to her.  Cheating?

And finally:

You’re up late one night, and you and shortyNY are on the instant messenger flirting back and forth, and you finally go there and “have sex” via words.  She’s undressing, sucking on you, and she’s gasping and moaning while you give it to her, and every bit of it is being typed out, all the way to the climax- and not just an e-climax, but a real climax.




4 Responses to “When Does e-Flirting Become Cheating?”

  1. eflirtexpert October 6, 2009 at 1:30 pm #

    All cheating! Cheating doesn’t need to just be physical, it can be emotional too. One thing you didn’t mention though is that ShortyNY can see his status. She SEES that he is in a relationship. That, my dear, is just asking for trouble. He’s being emotionally inappropriate to his partner … but ShortyNY is engaging him, knowing that she’ll never get him.

    Why would you want this drama? If you’re single and wanting to flirt online, I say log on to your nearest online dating site. And if you’re having trouble on there too … well, that’s what I help people with!

  2. courtingolivia October 6, 2009 at 2:48 pm #

    That is true, IF in fact she can see his status. Many don’t include relationship status on their profile. Not all, but many.

  3. undressingHER October 13, 2009 at 9:56 am #

    lol, if e-flirting is cheating, then I’ll forever be a dog. I flirt with the girls I don’t even like on this thing. I don’t want them, I just like to pay ladies compliments. I think it becomes cheating if your partner ask you to stop, then you continue to secretly do it, with the intention of hooking up with someone.

  4. Lounge Bish November 2, 2009 at 10:01 am #

    This is VERY INTERESTING as it really brings a microscope on the most prevalent form of communication in our “NOW” society. I beg to differ about the cheating aspect but it is purely based on “my own” expectations in a relationship. I think cheating both physical and emotionally can be detrimental to an other wise happy and healthy relationship. Ok so relax and I am also admiting that cheating is wrong !

    Now as for the internet, I would not be upset if my spouse, lover, significant other, boo (etc.) was partaking of the “internet” forbidden fruit of engaging and being flirty. Especially like the gentleman above referenced – he does it to make the women feel good. Although I am blessed with a big butt and a killer smile and gets my fair share of attention daily, there are some of myless fortunate sistahs that dont and I applaud the guys who dont discrminate on the internet (resounding standing ovation). In addition, I would thank the person getting my significant other all HOT-N-BOTHERED from the internet because I am gonig to reap all of the benefits of her actions ( I am lazy like that). So with that being said, I welcome the spark into the relationship and think we as women should be a little more flexible with this action. Better he fulfill this desire on the internet which has an automatice “safe zone” included than try and pull it locally with the cute lil hunni in the neighborhood – now he has to get cut…..

    So in other words, internet flirting is saving a life (potentially)……*DODGES ROCKS*

    Again this is JUST MY OPINION !!!

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