Meet Mr. Forbidden

6 Jun

Forbidden

This is something women and men can relate to- that person you want so badly it makes you throb between your legs- but you know, you know is bad for you in some way.

But the sex. Ohhhh the sex is so good- and you know the other person, the object of your desire- would be only more than happy to get you off a few times.

I refer to these people as forbidden.

I have 1 such man in my life right now- well, probably 2, but, we will stick with the clearest example I can give.

Mister Forbidden is an ex lover from quite some years back. Our relationship was always very complicated and ended in horrific form. I’m wayyyy past being “over” him in a romantic sense- and therein is my dilemma.

Though I do have another man with whom I share a deep and true love, we are not together- so I’m single right now. There are special relationships, but no realistic prospects for anything long term.

Mister Forbidden is not one of those special relationships. He just is. I know that he carries feelings for me that I do not share. I also know that he is not strong enough to keep those feelings in check. I try- oh do I try- to maintain clear boundaries because of this. I would like nothing else than to be able to fuck him on a regular basis- but he cannot handle it- I am certain.

His feelings would bubble up and then things would get really complicated. Even if I wanted to have romantic feelings towards him, he’s terrible in relationships! I’ve experienced it and I’ve seen it in the relationships he’s had since. I have a policy that I never go backwards. Once it’s over, it’s over. This is not the man I’m supposed to be with for the rest of my life, if there even is such a thing- I really don’t know.

ANYWAY- Even though I know all of this, I still struggle. I’ll even admit to having slipped once or twice. Not sex- but close…verrrrrry close. Close enough that I know he can still do something to me.

But…he is Mister Forbidden. Because he wouldn’t be able to handle it, emotionally, and it’s not fair for me to take advantage of his willingness to make me cum when I know I have no intention of giving anything in return.

And then there’s… well… the kind of sex I enjoy. I’m not sure he could handle that either…

When we were together, he was very…conservative- in bed. He found me much more liberal and it intimidated him. We had discussions about it. He was also devoutly religious (to a fault- yes, a fault) and I always felt like Jesus was in our bed- trust me, the Lord should never be in your bed, unless you’re taking his name in vain.

It’s probably why the next long term relationship I had after Mister Forbidden was with a wonderful man who let me fuck him as much as he fucked me.

I know there are women out there who experience sex as something they receive from a man. He does all the work and we give verbal and physical cues about how he’s doing and if we like it.

That’s all well and good. I enjoy that as well- I enjoy receiving sex from a man. But I also enjoy giving sex to a man. I enjoy doing things to a man just as much- if not more- as I enjoy having him do things to me.

I like to push the envelope. I like to have sex regularly. I like a variety of positions and scenarios *wink* and I like a man who isn’t afraid to talk during sex- or here me say some things.

But Mister Forbidden couldn’t handle that then, and I highly doubt he can handle it now.

I won’t be made to feel guilty, dirty, or less of a moral woman because of my sexual preferences. I just refuse to deal with that, and it is totally based on my previous relationship with him based on his issues and views about sex.

Still. Yes. I’m so damn tempted. Because the sex he gives is so good. I’m not an easy woman to get in bed. I can go long periods of time not having sex at all because I only sleep with people who I’m certain I are in tune with me, and my body. I know what kind of sex we’ll have long before we actually have it.

That’s the problem with Mister Forbidden. I know from actual experience that if I picked up the phone right now and told him to come over, he would. And he would make me have a few orgasms before he left.

The problem is, I would be too concerned with whether or not I could really just let go and be my authentic self in bed with him, that I wouldn’t actually enjoy it. I know, it’s a cruel, cruel world.

So I stay away from Mister Forbidden. Anything less is just too complicated.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: