Too Many Sex Partners?

18 Dec

Here’s a question for you- how many sex partners is too many for a person to have at one time- no, not threesomes or foursomes.

Is it alright to, say- have sex with a different person each day of the week?  Is the standard different for men than for women?

I was brought up in a a very conservative Catholic family and went to a very conservative Catholic school.  Parents didn’t really talk to their kids about sex- they left it up to the school, and in turn- the church.  Couple all of that with the traditions, thoughts and beliefs of the Japanese side of the family and you have just a smidge of an idea of what growing up was like for me.

So I was taught that sex before marriage was bad, masturbation would make a person go blind, and having more than one sexual partner meant you were the Devil’s whore and would never get into heaven- no joke.

Thus, even after I shed the church from my life in terms of the habit of going each week, I still had these kinds of viewpoints (commonly referred to as “Catholic Guilt”) seared into my mind.

For most of my sexual life I only had one sex partner at a time.  I wasn’t really concerned about risk factors, I was concerned with perception (whether people knew or not, I knew what they’d think if they ever found out) over sexual satisfaction.  Over time, that changed.  The “faithful” will say that’s because I stopped going to Church, I say it’s because I grew up and because more self aware and wasn’t afraid to challenge these things which I’d never thought to question before.

It also bothered me (still does) a great deal that a significant double standard exists between men and women when it comes to this issue.  A man won’t necessarily be called a “ho” if he’s seeing three women at one time, sleeping with all of them.  A woman would definitely be regarded as loose or fast or both.

I’m a long term relationship person- not a lot of hopping around and dating for me, so the opportunity and desire to sleep with a bunch of different men isn’t very high for me.  I currently have 2 different men that I’m sleeping with- and no, I”m not about to compare them or those experiences on any level.

The more sex partners a person has, the more risk they open themselves to, so responsibility is key; protection, protection, protection.  You know those people you’ve heard say “well we were out of condoms so, you know…”- I’m not one of those people.  If we didn’t have condoms, we didn’t have sex (which actually means he went to 7-11 on the corner for a few 3 packs)- I can wait.  I’m never so aroused that I just can’t control myself- most people who use that excuse don’t really mean it, they’re just weak and want to believe it.

So my assumption is that both of the men I am seeing are sleeping with at least 1 other woman- that’s not a mark against them, just the safest bet a person could make.  We’re all grown here, no one is committed to the other in a relationship or anything like that- but we don’t need to talk about it because I just assume it’s a reality and respond accordingly for my own protection and my partners.

I can’t imagine having 3 or more sex partners, just because I think for one, I would be exhausted, and for two, I would be exhausted.

What do you think?  How many is too many?  Should the standard for the sexes be different?


One Response to “Too Many Sex Partners?”

  1. m January 8, 2010 at 1:31 pm #

    One at a time is good for me..

    Not to say that in my promiscuous days I didn’t have more then one at a time; but it always left an eerie feeling for some reason – maybe because I was also raised catholic….and like you said the GUILT it leaves..

    Plus; I think its easier for me to be emotionally attached. Once sex is put into the equation of my relationship; its easy for me to find myself committed even in an uncommitted relationship.

    I guess, Something is wrong with me????? LOL

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