To Bed the Ex Or Not- That Is The Question

18 Dec

I’ve seen quite a few posts over the past few weeks on various relationship related websites about whether or not ex’s should date again, or even just sleep together.

For obvious reasons such circumstances can get quite messy- but at the same time, I don’t really think it’s all that complicated.

When it comes to dating an ex- I’ve personally never done it before.  The breakups I’ve experienced have most often come about because me and my partner are in different spaces (in every sense) so often that it’s clear we’re on different paths going different speeds- and often different directions.

Even after the relationship is over and time has passed- that is still the case- two different people in two different places  (having said all that- I’ll tell you about Bernard sometime soon).

While I may not re-date an ex, I am friends with many of them regardless.

As for sleeping with an ex- yes, done that.  In fact, doing it now (not right now…) with E, who I’ve written about a few times here.

Before I get to the juicy on that- let’s talk how and why.

Both parties have to have your emotions in check when it comes to sleeping with an ex.  Both parties have to be independently and jointly, very clear on where they stand with each other- what they will or won’t do together, etc.

Using E as an example.  I love him very much and he loves me.  We are very good friends and we have a huge amount of respect for each other.  We stopped dating in 95 (which was when we stopped sleeping with each other) and both went on to have our own relationships and lives.  I don’t have a single romantic notion towards him whatsoever.

Not too long ago, probably about six to eight months ago, completely out of the blue, in one of the many times we hung out late, watching a movie on the couch (he has the most comfortable couch ever) he just casually slipped his hands between my thighs and lightly dragged his fingers back and forth and then whispered some deliciously nasty, touchingly honest words to my ear, making his desires and intentions known- after not having touched each other beyond a hug for nearly five years.

It may have been five years- but that was one of the best sex relationships ever for me and him, so when he touched me that night, I knew exactly what he wanted and why he wanted it- and I wanted it too.

While his fingers drew random shapes on my sweats, high on my inner thigh, we had a very blunt conversation about the possibilities- and the reality of our relationship.  That’s what grown ass people do, and this is why often you hear people under the age of 30 who have “trouble” sleeping with an ex- they’re not mature enough to talk before they have sex.

E wanted a sexual relationship and so did I.  Once the discussion was underway we both became quite curious as to whether or not we could recreate our previous sex life.  I asked him point blank if he thought he remembered how to seduce me, and he confessed that he wasn’t certain, but would like the chance to try again.  I wasn’t shocked by that.  A dumb man would have just said “yes” because that’s what he would think the woman wants to hear.  E knows I’m too smart for that.

I’m very particular with who I sleep with.  If I’m not convinced that a man won’t or can’t provide a certain level of sexual experience for me (and him) then he doesn’t stand a chance of getting in my bed- end of story.  I can go without sex for weeks, months or even years rather than risk “meh” sex.  I’d rather have more fun with myself.

But the reason E and I had such a fantastic sex relationship when we were dating is because we worked hard at it and communicated wants, needs and desires to each other- the same has proven true the second time around- the sex so far is pretty good and getting better with each practice 😉  One of the challenges with E is he’s a few years younger than me, thus, the women he’s usually with are a few years younger than him.  I can tell they have little to no standards over the kind of sex they’re having because that negro came back putting in zero work, lol.  I had to remind him of the higher expectation- to which he has risen (pause) quite masterfully.

If expectations are spelled out and both people are clear with themselves and each other, there’s nothing wrong with sleeping with an ex.


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