A few weeks ago I hosted a small group of people for a “Sex Talk”. This consisted of about 10 people, men and women, a few couples and a few singles. The point of the gathering is to have a guided conversation about sex and what it means to men and women. It basically gives me an opportunity to continue to gain perspective on, errr, well, perspective.
One man who attended the event, Travis, I didn’t know very well. I was urged to invite him by another guest and her husband. Having had casual interactions with him in the past, I decided why not. He struck me as an intelligent person and that’s half the battle when you want to have an intelligent conversation about a subject that can cause people to forget they have a brain altogether.
The session was supposed to go 90 minutes, but ran over by about an hour which isn’t uncommon. We talked about a lot of things concerning sex, gender and relationships and it all went very well.
One of the topics was oral sex. I’m sure you can imagine that there were passionate opinions on all sides. Travis too, had strong feelings about the subject, but they weren’t expressed during the session so much as they were after.
The morning after the group discussion I sent everyone an email thanking them for their participation. In reply to the email I sent to Travis was:
So, you like to drink it down?
I replied with confusion and Travis was generous enough to clarify for me:
You like to swallow.
He used a period instead of a question mark which meant he was confident it was a fact- and I was completely in the dark.
I asked him what led him to believe that and he pointed to the discussion the night before.
I thought back- yes, oral sex by men and women was discussed at length, yes, I guided the conversation with questions and comments, but I was the moderator, for lack of a better term, not a participant. I never got into my personal sex life, and certainly didn’t discuss my preferences around oral sex. But apparently, asking questions like “is it selfish for a women to expect oral sex when she won’t give it,” or “does it cheat a man of his pleasure if she refuses to swallow” meant that I was a proponent and a practitioner of oral sex and swallowing his um, yeah.
I tried to point out my professional role- he didn’t want to hear it. Instead, he asked if I wanted to get together- not for coffee, for sex.
Yes, Travis wanted me to give him head, and he wanted to watch me to swallow.
I am used to forward and downright bizarre requests from people around sex, so while I was hugely offended, I kept my cool and politely declined until he finally dropped it.
Travis won’t be invited to the next “Talk”.
More than that, as a woman I must say that I was highly offended by his conduct. Yes, I enjoy giving head (to the right man), and yes, (for the right man) that means I commit to it through the end.
But for some guy that I don’t even know?
That is possibly the most disgusting suggestion I’ve heard in at least the past 5 hours.
Because I discuss sex freely does NOT mean that I have sex or give oral sex freely, with no care, no discretion, no thought. That’s foolish.
How do I know if he has been tested or not, hell how does he know if I’ve been tested or not? Does he care? Does he even stop to think that I might have some sort of diseased condition to make his johnson shrivel up and fall off? oh, you know what I mean!
Did he even stop to consider that possibility the four or five days he emailed me repeatedly for the hook up?
I am always amazed at how clueless some poeple can be- Travis defeated his own purpose and never even realized it.
Courting Pleasure 
SMH. I often wonder just who people are talking to that makes them think that these approaches work. @ ole boy. I am not saying that he has had no success with it, ’cause I am sure he has. What I am saying is just like what you said, a willingness to discuss something does not equal “I want to do it with you…” Man or woman. Yet, this is EXACTLY what most people think. Unfortunately, he is not alone in his feelings. Furthermore, it was a ‘sex discussion’ so SOMEONE had to lead it. I am not sure how he managed to misconstrue that into ‘Oh she is going to give me head..’lol
Unbelievable.
Again, I can’t say I am mad that he would WANT you to give him head. That is NOT what I am saying. I am just really put off by how he assumed you automatically would want to do him and how he thought that the situation was akin to some kinda rap video or a movie or some shit..