Jamal; Scraping Off the Residue

12 Nov

Relationships can meet such messy ends.  Even platonic ones.  I like clean breaks.  If our friendship or romantic relationship is over, then let it be over.  If you suddenly hate me and want nothing to do with me- I expect to never hear from you again, and vice versa.  I do not expect that every so often, whenever you decide- to get rude telephone calls and passive aggressive text messages at all hours of the night…


That’s Jamal right now.  Things were quiet after his blow up.  And then out of the blue over the weekend, a series of texts came to my phone; cussing, name calling, telling me how stupid I am- fun stuff.

I was slightly tempted to text him back- but only slightly.  I deleted the messages and let it go.

Then today, out of the blue, a text message.  He start off with an unfortunately long greeting before he says this:

“I just want you to know I am deeply sorry my intentions were misunderstood.”

That was it.

And it was just enough to completely piss me off.  If there’s one thing I hate- oh and I do mean hate- it’s passive aggressive, manipulative talk.  I can spot it a mile a way and I recoil like the Devil to Holy water.

First- he’s telling me that I’ve misunderstood everything- which makes everything my fault, right, because I’m the one that misunderstood everything.  And then he…apologizes for it.   I’m supposed to believe he’s sorry, as he sees it, for something he has zero control over, so much so he attributes it to someone else- me?!  I don’t buy it for a single second.  Sorry huh?  Not for calling me a bitch.  Not for saying horrible things about me and shitting allllll over our friendship.  None of that.

What did he expect me to say to that?  I accept your apology?  It’s okay?  It’s not your fault?  If ever an example of a non-apology apology exists- that’s it.

Let’s not forget- he went from badgering me and guilt tripping me about marriage, to berating me for not feeling the same way, to telling me he never cared about me or desired me, that I sent mixed signals and it was my fault, to telling me I ruined our friendship because I misunderstood his intentions.


His intentions were quite clear from the beginning.  I didn’t misunderstand a damn thing.

Now, Jamal has turned to residue.  A sticky, undesired, thin layer of what used to exist- and never will again.  Just when I think it’s all gone, I spot some under the couch, or behind the television, and I have to get out the cleaning supplies and go to work.

It bothers me a great deal that he thinks he can pop up whenever he wants to- as if he’s entitled to do so.  He’s not.  And since we teach people how to treat us, I give him zero energy and attention.  I’m not going to teach him that he can treat me that way and I’ll put up with it.

I’m a professional, so, there’s frustration and shame in thinking if anyone should have seen the red flags, it was me.  I never had any idea that he was so possessive until it was too late- a friendship had already been established.  Eventually, it would be broken.

Now I have to get back to cleaning- I think I just spotted something behind the door.


2 Responses to “Jamal; Scraping Off the Residue”

  1. CamE November 12, 2009 at 11:36 am #

    I’m sorry that your going through this with him. You are right to not give him attention because that’s all he wants.

  2. Lounge Bish November 22, 2009 at 1:24 pm #

    Well Jamal is like alot of men we “know and love”…they feel they have some “right of passage” to take our kindness for weakness. By that I mean, we accept the friendship for what it is….most men dont. I have more guy friends than women friends and my experience is this: men think we “want” them from the very beginning and it is up to “them” when and if the relationship turns romantic.

    Sad thing about this way of thinking is…..MOST women are very clear regarding their intentions or wants at the beginning of relationships/friendships. Men hide their intentions and therefore the relationship/friendship is unbalanced from the very beginning.

    Jamal (in my mind) is feeling a sense of rejection and rejection is hard for all of us to accept. If I am not mistaken, you advised that he has his shit together (my words) and is attractive….given this little bit of information I am presumming that he has absolutely no problem getting a date and therefore….how dare you not want to date him. He has invested all this personal time into you and you trippin 😉 That is how I think he is thinking. Hence the name calling and attempts to tear down your self image.

    But I agree……wash his bullshit away with your cleaning products and KEEP IT MOVING ! Phuck’m its his loss….

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