Sexual Baggage

28 Sep

Dear Gentlemen,

One of the keys to understanding the kind of sex you are or are not having with your woman is knowing your woman’s sexual baggage.  I think it’s fair to say that all women have some kind of sexual baggage which can and often does impact what they want and don’t want when having sex.  While [I believe] all women have sexual baggage, many are not aware of it and even fewer take the courageous step to deal with it.  Negativity around sex is hard to face as it’s often rooted in difficult experiences.  I am talking about these because, in the heat of the moment, when you want to flip her over, or hold her down, or grab her hair and she’s not down, sexually it can be frustrating, but if you adjust your mind and let a drop of compassion take hold, you’re saving yourself and her from a situation that could be…unfortunate.  There are a few in particular that you need to be aware of:

Rape/Sexual Abuse Let’s deal with the big one.  Being raped or sexually abused, whether as a child or an adult is a traumatizing, life changing experience for anyone who has had to live through it.  It’s an experience that will genuinely make a woman not know how to experience sexual fulfillment which can manifest in different ways.  She may be promiscuous, she may dread sex and it may be difficult for her to experience an orgasm without bursting into tears (bursting into tears after orgasm, does not automatically mean the crier has been sexually abused, it must be noted).  Recovery from rape and sexual abuse is different for everybody.  There is not manual.  Some women will never experience the joys of sex or lovemaking again- it’s not their fault.  Some women are able to come back from that and have a perfectly normal sex life.  The more women you know, the more women you know who have been raped or sexually abused.  It’s not something often discusses or advertised but it’s still there.

The Good Book All I have to say is amen and all of that, hey, your woman goes to church every Sunday and leads the choir- great!  Religion can get in the way of sexual enjoyment.  I went to Catholic school growing up and the priests literally told all the boys that they would go blind if they masturbated.  Yes.  Imagine what happened when Josh started beating off at the same time his eyesight went bad and he wound up needing glasses- it was the talk of the entire student body.  That women think to be “god fearing” means they have to cheat themselves from good sex is not the business.

Sometimes it’s not even religion, it’s prudish, “moral” brainwashing that convinces a woman that if she gives head she’s a whore, or if she does any other position that missionary she’s offending women everywhere, just silly nonsense passed down from bitter women who weren’t getting any uneducated women.

A Horrible Experience No, not like the first example.  We’re talking just a horrible sexual experience at an impressionable point of life that will turn a woman off from doing certain things.  Think of the grossest things you’ve experienced and you can imagine what we’ve gone threw.  Disgusting.

Medical If a woman is constantly experiencing physical discomfort of some kind, rarely or never has an orgasm, the first thing she should do is go to the doctor to be checked out.  There are physical/psychological conditions out there and most can be addressed with medical intervention.

If you’re in a committed relationship and you suspect/know that one or more of these issues is having a negative impact on your relationship, it may be time to have a gentle conversation about what you can do to support her through it.

*It must be noted the issues listed here as directly impacting women also impact countless men, so ladies, be aware, and be compassionate.


One Response to “Sexual Baggage”

  1. disappointedinmyself September 28, 2009 at 1:52 am #

    Great advice!

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