Olivia Courting’s Guide to Better Sex: Proper Grooming

28 Sep

This is a huge pet peeve of mine.  If you want someone to ravish your body, you must, must, must keep it properly groomed from head to toe.  Proper grooming is essential to having great sex.

Wax On Off Have you seen your ears lately?  You would be shocked to know how few pay attention to their ears, how they look inside and what’s going on behind them.  It’s a place for sweat and nasties to gather, so keep up on it!  It don’t matter if you like tongue in the ear or not- do you want your lover to go in for the lick and come out with wax *body shudder* on their tongue?  Why don’t you just have ’em stick their tongue up your nose.  Yeah, gross.

Toes or Piggies? This is where I get a little insane.  I’ve been known to not even acknowledge a man’s existence depending on the condition of his shoes, and I will jump up off the kitchen counter out of the bed if I see unkept feet.

Men, you have to take care of your feet.  Are you related to Wolverine?  No?  Then why can your toenails slice off my feet at the ankles?  And how many layers of dead skin do you have going on down there?  Is that- foot fungus? *dead*  Either handle that at home or call one of your girls and ask her where she get’s her toes did-then run there as fast as you can and leave a good tip.

Ladies, the same goes for you.  Chipped up, 3 month old polish, corns on your toes, layers of dry, dead skin, jagged toe nails.  This is nothing short of a disgrace.  Men like cute feet so ya better get on it.

Buzzed is Best Guys, when a woman decides to put her mouth on your male member, nothing will stop her faster than stinky d*ck or swamp balls or whatever you want to call it.  You should keep the hair round your penis, short especially if you like hummers.

Some women don’t mind a lot of hair on a guy- some. The vast majority can do without or are turned off altogether.  If you have a hairy back/chest you may have an obstacle to good loving making- especially if your woman likes to put her lips and tongue on those areas, or better yet, if you like her to.  You may have to look into some hair removal options- I know it’s not the funnest thing in the world, but if you like a bare kitty (see below) well, quid pro quo, as it were.  You don’t have to necessarily have the hair ripped out, plenty of men have a trimmed which helps a lot.

Ladies, this same standard applies to you.  I’m not necessarily one for having hearts and arrows and landing strips shaved or waxed into my vajayjay hairs, but if that’s what you like then that’s what you like.  Either way, you need to closely crop or completely remove your vaginal hair.

I know your mother the doctor says that the hair is there to protect the sacred vagina just like eyelashes do for our eyes but if you’re a good woman that you keep that area impeccably clean anyway, so the hair can go.  Not only does it trap odors and other things we won’t mention but it decreases pleasure- that’s right, a bushel of hair-down-there decreases sexual pleasure.  If you don’t believe me, cut it all off and take it for a test drive (he won’t complain at all) and see what happens.  When the hair is gone, the skin becomes more sensitive to touch/contact and oh my gawsh it’s lovely.

If you’re scared to get it waxed don’t worry about it.  Get an expensive razor and handle your business at home- this is my preferred method and with a good razor the effect is the same and the process is a lot less painful.

The honorable mention reasons for having a bare vajayjay are 1., men like it.  It’s makes the pussy look cute (unless you have an ugly pussy, but we’ll address that in a later post) and inviting, and 2., it shows you have nothing to hide, no bumps, rashes or other obvious signs of deadly pussy sexual misfortune.

So there you have it; three crucial areas that if groomed properly lead to better sex.  I pwomise *solemnly crosses heart and bats big, beautiful eyes*

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One Response to “Olivia Courting’s Guide to Better Sex: Proper Grooming”

  1. FlawedBeauty October 4, 2009 at 7:25 pm #

    I am dead at you and ugly pussy…when is that post coming up lol…I wanna know about that one…because I swear mine though hairless (at all damn cost) is ugly, but then maybe not…

    *sigh*

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