“She Says She Doesn’t Do That…”

27 Sep

Question number 1 to my inbox: “How can I get my woman to give me a blow job?”

I’ve written about this at length before, but this being a new blog and all, I’m going to try and come at it with fresh perspective and ideas. *cracks knuckles*

I know it’s hard for some people to believe, but there are grown ass women who don’t give head (let alone swallow) but there are, and men everywhere are suffering because of it.

I know you don’t want to hear it, but it must be said, if your woman is fundamentally opposed to having a d*ck in her mouth, it’s never going to happen.  Sorry.  That’s her choice.  If it means that much to you then be the self centered selfish prick and dump her and get someone else.

But- for those of you who think your woman may be open to it, or has come close to it a few times, then you may just be in luck, but you should still start praying I make no guarantees.

Use alcohol I’m adding it to the list because plenty a man has done it, and plenty of men have asked me if they should. Right away, I have to discourage you from this practice.  Of course liquor loosens people up, but this speaks directly to character- yours, sir, not her.  If you’re getting your woman, or any woman, to black out stage so you can get things sexually, I’d have to wonder about you.

No GPS Necessary If your woman has come close to giving you a blow job, trust me, she does not need you to step in and point the way- she’s working up the nerve and the sexual desire to do it.  You don’t want giving head to be a chore for her, right?  The more she wants to do it, the more you win, so it’s nerves plus desire, remember that.

Do yourself a favor and when you know sex is coming, go freshen up.  No one wants to go down and put their nose in something that smells like a swamp.  Do not, under any circumstances, try and push her head down to your mid section.  We know you want a bj, all men do, all the time- and we know how the hell to find the d*ck, we could find it with a blindfold on.  A woman thinks of bj’s one of two ways; “yes, I will”, or “no, I won’t”.  If it’s “yes”, this post is irrelevant to you because you’re already getting them.  If it’s “no”, DON’T MAKE HER THINK ABOUT IT BY PUSHING HER HEAD DOWN THERE!

Equality Now! If you go down on your woman so good that you make her climax, then sit her lovely, pretty self down and have a rational conversation with her and explain the fact that eating her p*ssy is no different than giving a blow job.  You’ve probably tried to coax her into it, or talk her into it, or badger her into it and it didn’t work.  Here are a few tips to try it again.  Do not have this conversation with her during or immediately before sex. That’s not the same thing as a conversation, that’s either an argument or a guilt trip.  Women don’t need that, they need a solid argument and then time to process it without you breathing down their neck about it.

Back to the argument at hand, yes, a blow job is no different than going down on a woman.  It’s true, and women don’t usually think of it in those terms.  We think “I’m not swallowing his kiddies!” and never consider the fact that men will lick and suck us to gooey, wet completion every time.  Be warned though, if you do that, you better have her orgasms on record to back you up, because if you’re going down and her and she’s not really getting anything out of it, you can’t play that card.  But if your Denzel lips and LL Jamie Foxx tongue are handling it, this argument is a good one because women hate it when men ask them to do something- anything- that the men themselves wouldn’t ever be willing to do.  So this flips that argument and points out to your woman that she expects you to do something that she won’t do herself.  Yup.

Proper Introductions Required Have you ever introduced your woman to your penis?  I’m serious.  You know it better than anybody so, who better to do the job?  You know what you like, what feels good, what doesn’t do it for you.  Explain that to her.  I know guys aren’t big on foreplay, but trust me, it has its benefits.  Foreplay can be used as a teaching moment- you can teach her, and she can teach you.  The number one thing you want to teach your woman is how to give you a hand job.  How to stroke the shaft, how to tease the head, how to stimulate the sack properly- you get the idea

They Key is…Just a Touch I know you’re reading through all of this and thinking “but how do I get her to do it?!”  Calm down.  It’s actually a lot easier than you think it is.  Ready?  Brace yourself.

The way to a blow job is through your woman’s hands.  Think about it, how many times have you had the experience of a woman giving you a hand job, and then it turns into a blow job?  That’s because she’s sitting there, mastering her hand technique, watching and listening to you, and thinking “what else can I do to it?  It’s really soft…hmmm…”  One thing leads to another and the next thing you know- tongue.  Introduce your penis to your woman with a glass of wine and by teaching her how to give you a great hand job- if there is any moment where she is likely to just go down on you, that’s it.  If she goes in, for goodness sake, whatever you do, don’t grab her hair or touch her head, she’ll jerk away and what could have been- won’t be.  She ain’t ready for all that.

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